The Unthinkable
by MesonicPeak
Summary: Loki once rescued a girl abandoned in the middle of nowhere during a harsh winter storm. Years passed and their roads crossed again but can they thaw each other's hardened hearts? With everything that has happened it may be impossible, but they might just do the unthinkable.
1. Chapter 1

_You've got the best of both worlds_  
_You're the kind of girl who can take down a man_  
_And lift him back up again_

_You are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy_  
_Your style is quite selective but your mind is rather reckless_  
_Well, I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is_

_Hey, what a beautiful mess this is_

_Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear  
'Cause here we are, here we are  
_

-A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz_  
_

* * *

It was a nightmare, it must be because it's impossible that he's dead, it can't be. It just can't be.

Unfortunately, the nightmare was her reality, and it's tearing her apart ever so slowly, from her unresponsive body to her numbing mind to her shattering heart, she felt her life dissolving into nothingness consumed by grief and just agonizing loss. It's as if her existence was detached the same time the body before her was detached from this world.

He was her life source, something vital to her being and she was just too scared to admit it, so scared of her deep attachment to him, and she never got to say it to him just once. And now, she'll never will.

It crushes her to think of him in the past tense and she reminds herself that the past is the only way she'll ever remember him, no more living the now, no more planning for their future.

Because he's gone, like a pleasant dream that lulls you into a deep, deep slumber, never wishing for it to end, only to disappear from your memory the moment you're waking up realizing that it was all fictional, a figment of our subconscious desires.

And now she fears for her dreams that will be clouded by memories of him and she'll wake up in the absence of strong arms holding her so close to his being, of sweet morning greetings that will be coupled by kisses in between, of his presence that was ingrained to her life, of tears and pain to swallow her whole the moment she opens her eyes.

"Darcy, honey, we'll wait for you outside okay? You call us whenever... whenever you're ready." Jane's voice was so strained and so full of concern. Darcy felt her arms wrapping around behind her, soothingly rubbing her forearms. Darcy just stared blankly at the body on the bed but acknowledged Jane's comfort by squeezing her hand.

"We won't leave you behind, Darcy. All will be well." It was the softest tone that she has ever heard from the big lug who was Thor. She always assumed that he couldn't ever lower his thunderous voice that was sometimes funny and annoying (being the God of Thunder and all), and she felt a bit relieved from her heartache knowing both him and Jane are there for her when she needed them the most.

She reluctantly lifted her face to give Thor a shaky nod and he in return gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Jane gave Darcy a kiss on the cheek and let Thor escort them towards the door leaving her all alone, and that's when she cracked.

"You idiot," she placed her hand on the spot where his heart lies, her voice croaking pathetically, "You selfish, stupid, worthless excuse for a man!" She banged her fist on his broad chest and for the first time it didn't ricochet. She kept pounding and pounding with her tears staining his shirt and blurring her vision, blurring him from her life.

"You made a promise! You said you'll never leave me alone! You said you're a man of honor! You said so many promises, so many..." she trailed off. Her brain was throbbing so hard she could hear it beating the insides of her skull, splitting it apart. She kept pounding her fists though like a child throwing a major hissy fit. A doctor would probably say that it's not advisable to beat a dead body especially considering its Captain America's body, the greatest soldier of all time, the first superhero in history, an icon for the masses.

Her lover, who's now dead and the greatest jerk of all time hoping they'll add that to his list of qualities and achievements being a specimen of perfection that was admired by many. And he captured her heart only to break it beyond repair.

Her body slumped on top of him, tired from her futile actions to revive him, she turned her head towards his face, so lifeless and void of that smile she loved so much about him. His smiles that were so young and full of possibilities for the both of them that kept her going through every obstacle she faces.

How will she get through this? How will she let him go?

She lifted her sore left arm to reach out and cradle his cheek, her thumb smoothing the dark circles under his eye. Her hand then went to his lips, so soft and kissable. Darcy moved until her hands were on either side of his face, her nose touching his, a gesture they so often do to relieve stress. With a shaky breath she gently placed her lips upon his. Even though cold and unresponsive she stayed that way for a while hoping that she's transferring some of her life energy to him and that when she ends their kiss and pulls her head back she'll see startling blue eyes twinkling mischievously making a comment about how she's taking advantage of the situation and that she's raping him, he was arrogant that way.

Like a fairy tale only the princess was doing the kissing to awaken her prince. Only, fairy tales are stories for the hopeless romantic, for people who wants to escape reality and find solace in things that doesn't exist, a way to makes us believe that a happily ever after exists. It builds up non-existent beliefs in relationships that aren't based on fairy tales. It's deceitful but we love it anyway.

And she was hoping to have a happily ever after with Steve, she was sure then that they will both have that elusive infinity of love and contentment.

She broke the kiss and stared in closed eyes. Wiping away the tears that stained his face, even in death he looks so beautiful and young and strong. She then surged with anger. He was Captain America for fuck's sake! He wasn't supposed to die! He's part of Earth's mightiest heroes! He saved the planet from the Nazi's, from HYDRA, from a hoard of aliens and a mythical Norse god! And all of that fighting and surviving defeated by a past sentiment for a friend? A friend who he thought he could save, who he hoped would have recognized him as his best friend. But he took the wrong gamble and he paid with his life.

She gritted her teeth painfully and just wrapped her arms around his body while hers was racked with harsh sobs and shouts of profanities aimed at him, not that he will hear any of it anyway.

"Steve, Steve, Steve," she chanted, voice hoarse from all the senseless shouting. Raking his blond, silky hair with her fingers she continued chanting his name like a prayer. "Steve, Steve, Steve."

The door opened but she heeded no notice, it was probably Jane or Thor telling her that they should go home. Dusk was starting to set and she frowned at it. She lost the sense of time the moment her world was turned upside down and that was hours ago when the sun was starting to peek from the clouds, dawn, her brain supplied. But she didn't care, but she knew that the time is nearing for her separation with Steve's body, only his body.

"Ms. Lewis, I'm sorry to say but we need to take care of the body, it has been too long now. We don't know when decomposition will start on Mr. Rogers' body knowing that the super soldier serum flowed though his veins and it may have altered his decaying process, but as you can see his body is growing darker. We need to... prepare him." The doctor's (who belonged to SHIELD of course) words fell on deaf ears because Darcy looked like a statue hell-bent on keeping Steve's body in her embrace.

When the doctor placed a hand on her shoulder, even though gentle, made her snap and smacked his hand with brute force. The doctor then stared at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, surprised by the sudden lash of violence and what was more surprising is that it came from Darcy. But he should've known that she was emotionally and mentally unstable right now, and he calls himself a doctor.

The doctor then immediately broke from his stupor and took a step forward to make grab for Darcy again which made her retaliate by pushing him more forcefully than she would've wanted. His hairy ass met the tiled floor that made him grunt loudly followed by a stifled whimper. Darcy felt guilt surge within her but it quickly disappeared when the doctor shouted for guards and nurses.

There were two guards and two nurses that came bursting from the door, they quickly assessed the scene and came straight towards Darcy and Steve. She latched herself onto Steve's body, desperate to revel on the feel of his body one last time. She stared intensely on his pale face, the lips she kissed over and over and that was the last thing she saw before the guards grabbed her and hauled her away.

"What are you doing?! Let me go, you bastards!" she tried to yell but all that was let out was a pathetic squeak and her voice cracking like an adolescent boy undergoing intense puberty development. The other guard was holding her torso while the other held her legs that were kicking aimlessly.

"Jane! Thor! Help me!" Where were they? Didn't they see the guards come in, the shouts that echoed through the hallways? Did they leave without her? The thought just dug deeper on the hole that was her heart. _No, they wouldn't do that, they said they won't go without me. I trust them._

"Ms. Lewis, please calm down! We don't want to sedate you, calm down." How can she calm down when the doctor says that? That made her thrash more wildly her elbow meeting the ribs of the guard holding her torso but he didn't budge. She helplessly gazed at Steve, almost calling out his name but sadly realized that he won't be coming to her rescue anymore. She stretched her right arm, desperately reaching out to Steve's body but she can't feel any part of him with the guards restraining her.

"Sedate her, now." Said by the doctor, the nurse nodded like an obedient puppy getting out a syringe with golden liquid swishing inside. Darcy briefly stared at it then winced. She reached more fiercely for Steve. _Almost there, almost there._

"Get that away from me! Get the hell away!" that was her last stand of defiance and felt her defeat flow through her body. The syringe was injected on her upper arm that made her slump onto the guards holding her, consciousness slipping away from her much faster than she anticipated. Her eyes rolled on the back of her head and she felt the sensation of being carried. She directed her head on the spot where Steve laid, she didn't even get to say goodbye.

"Steve, I love you. I love you so much." Darkness consumed her after that.

When Darcy started regaining her consciousness she fought to keep it away, to let her stay unconscious for as long as possible not wanting to face what awaits her when she opens her eyes.

She could feel the familiar satin sheets of her bed and pillows and of a hand grasping hers.

She tilted her head to her left side and opened her eyes curiosity burning inside her that needed quenching. Jane was there at the edge of her bed sleeping with a troubled look on her face, her arms were folded that was used as an improvised pillow. She didn't know how long Jane's been there or where she has been when she was being hauled and sedated by the SHIELD brutes. She should be angry for letting that happen to her but frankly, she was just grateful to see her now, holding her like she's her daughter or something,

Squeezing Jane's hand unconsciously rustled her awake. Jane rubbed her eyes and her sleepy gaze fell on Darcy's crying face. Jane quickly stood on her seat that made her joints pop, her form loomed over Darcy smoothing her hair away from her forehead and planted a kiss there.

"I'm so sorry, Darcy. Thor and I were taking out some dinner for the three of us and we didn't know that the doctor was making rounds and I'm... so sorry." Blabbering was something Jane never did, she was always so sure of what she has to say, full of confidence and grace. But she was a spluttering mess in giving an apology that Darcy took pity on her and tapped her hand with the other hand out of her grasp and forgave her. She couldn't find the strength to retort back and bicker with her like she usually does when Jane's so unnerved.

She was so hollow and just so, so tired.

"Jane, I would really want to have some alone time right now. But thank you, for staying with me 'till I wake up. I really appreciate it." She gave her a small smile that was a little forced. Jane wasn't entirely happy about that and a brief expression of sadness passed on her features but she smiled at her and hugged her.

"Okay, sure. But I'm not going to let you starve yourself. I'm going to put some food on your nightstand okay?" Darcy gratefully nodded at this and patted Jane's back. She then watched her retreat from her bed and back to the arms of Thor who was patiently waiting outside her door. He flashed a smile at her and then closed the door softly, leaving her once again alone and bubbling with envy.

The room felt too constricting, like it was closing up on her with every breath she takes. She starts to claw her throat feeling the shortness of breath, her heart pounding too fast, her surroundings and her body spasms making her dizzy and lightheaded.

She was hyperventilating. Oh, god.

Darcy kicked the sheets out of her body and rose from the bed, she tried to calm her breath but the walls felt like it was sucking it out of her like a vacuum. She gritted her teeth and staggered towards the door. The need to flee the confines of her room devours her thoughts and that's what she did. Ignoring the panicked gazes of Thor and Jane, she fled their shared house and out into the pouring rain.

Even though she was clothed with a thick sweater, jeans, and boots, the rain brutally penetrated her layers of clothing and drenching her almost immediately, the cold air prickling exposed skin like needles that almost pained her. She contemplated getting an umbrella but Jane was already at the door shouting at her to get back inside the house with Thor pulling her back, wary to let his precious Jane get wet by the rain.

Ignoring her pleas she ran trusting her legs to take her somewhere far away and hoped that she won't fall flat on her face. Tears mingled with rain and it was getting more dangerous to run considering the pavements are slick and she can't see from her hazy vision. Running wasn't helping her hyperventilation problem but it kept it at bay somehow. She didn't trust her mind to think because she knew that it will only come back to _him._ And she can't do handle that right now.

The feeling of being stared at was evident, honestly who wouldn't? A girl is running in the pouring rain around New York with no destination in mind. They must think she's a troubled teenager addict having withdrawal problems or something, stereotyping never ends in New York.

But she couldn't run anymore so she slowed her pace and halted. She bent her knees and placed her hands on them, head hung low, panting hard and fast. The rain wasn't showing her any mercy either. She finally lifted her eyes to find out where she is.

Central Park, of all places.

For the first time since she moved here the place was absent of any sign of life except hers. She felt utterly alone, scared, and sick, caved in by tall trees and of darkness descending. The urge to call Steve sent a pang of hurt through her whole body making her footing stagger. The mere thought of him weakens her and fears if this will be the case whenever she thinks of him. She doesn't want to forget him, she can't, but she doesn't want to hurt so much either.

"This is how you left me, Steve, in the rain, with no one, with the thoughts of you haunting me." She whispered. Directing her head upwards she casted a look on the gray skies, of the rain failing to wash away her despair. She cried with the rain and was rooted on her place. But then how much can she take of this torture?

The blackening vision and the buckling of her knees hinted the unmistakable sensation that she was fainting.

And she fainted in the arms of someone unknown to her.

A hard knock was heard from the door and Jane rushed forward instantly with Thor in tow. She let Darcy ran away, she let her go and the feeling of uselessness crushed her. The moment her grip was firm on the knob she flung the door open, the worried look on her face replaced by pure bewilderment and shock.

Jane immediately looked at Thor, his mouth gaping open, waiting for a response to this unexpected situation. She's holding his arm realizing that this is real and not an illusion of the man who was standing on their front porch, and before she could stop it a tremor of undulated fear crept up to her.

Snapping out of his trance, he addressed the man who once tried to enslave New York, threatened the stability of the Nine Realms, and who is his little brother.

"Loki?" he sputtered, still disbelieving on what he's seeing.

"I believe this mortal belongs to your household."


	2. Chapter 2

_Something was stirring her awake, she could hear the faintest whisper of her name but couldn't identify where it's coming from or whose voice is it. _

_"My love, wake up." The voice was so... alluring and sweet that it warms her heart. Just the sound of it makes her feel safe and comforted. But it's odd how she can't remember or know who it is. Surely she can't feel something like this with some random stranger._

_She tried opening her eyes but it proved to be difficult, it felt like it was sealed shut. _

_"I can't open my eyes." That sounded idiotic. The stranger let out a deep chuckle and it sent out lingering vibrations through her body. Darcy then realized she was nuzzling the stranger's chest and he was spooning her. His arm is wrapped tightly around her waist and his other arm is used as a pillow for her._

_"It's because you don't want to wake up, my love. Try harder." The stranger then placed a soft kiss on the top of her head._

_Lifting her hands to her eyes, she tried prying them open but it won't budge. What the hell's happening? She's getting frustrated by the second, her need to see this man's face was eating her up and her weird sealed eyes are not helping. Why isn't she panicking though? _

_All she's feeling right now is contentment and happiness inside this man's arms. Except she's minutes away from transforming herself to a She-Hulk due to the predicament of her eyes and not knowing who the man is._

_"I think my eyelids are super glued to my eyeballs. I swear I can't open them and I really want to right now." She whined. _

_This time the man laughed and pulled her body tighter to his. She could feel his nose nuzzling her hair and she sighed, hugging his chest closer to her face. Whoever this man is she better hope he's not a rapist or something._

_"You really are an unusual woman, never failing to amuse everyone else especially me." He said. He's placing butterfly kisses all over her face, leaving no patch of skin untouched by his lips. Darcy can't contain a giggle and sighed contentedly. But his lips hovered over hers, the last place to be kissed._

_He leaned but she stopped him. Placing her index finger on his bottom lip, she traced his lips and felt his kiss on the pad. She touched and traced his face, anywhere she could reach as an alternative sense for her loss of sight. The man leaned in her caress and gave a deep hum of approval. She chuckled, he reminded her of a cat. The angular places and lines of his features were prominent and the thought of an aristocratic face popped into her mind. Her fingers found his lips once again and she leaned, a hairsbreadth away from both their needs. _

_"I can kiss you, right?" He answered by placing his lips on hers hard and impatient. Her mouth gave in without much of a fight to his tongue, dancing with hers in intense passion. The need to taste more of him was riveting so she grabbed a fistful of his hair and deepened the kiss and was rewarded by a guttural moan. He gripped her waist then his hand slid to her thigh leaving a trail of heat in its wake. It was getting harder to breathe but she doesn't want to end the most amazing kiss ever. He bit her bottom lip, nibbled it and was followed by a swift lick. She moaned and pulled back her head, both of them gasping hard for air and clutching to each other like an anchor to a reef._

_And the last thing she saw were a pair of startling green eyes half-lidded with lust and want before it disappeared in a blinding flash of white light._

_ And the last thing she felt was the profound misery of losing him._

* * *

"Darcy's seems okay," Jane said with a quick accusing glance at Loki who was sporting his ever passive expression on his face, bored as always. "But she's got a fever so I'm going to cook something for her. Alert me when she wakes up, okay?" She walked towards Thor then kissed him for an unnecessarily long time, probably to make Loki uncomfortable. Breaking the kiss she glared once more at Loki then proceeded to the kitchen, shutting the door leaving him alone with his brother once more.

Pulling away from the longing look casted on Jane's retreating form, he assessed his brother one more time and concluded that nothing seems amiss. Or maybe that's what he likes to think so.

But Loki is his brother, and he missed him terribly.

Taking two long strides he reached out to his brother and hugged him. Loki was genuinely surprised by this and he didn't bother masking it. With a triumphant smile on Thor's face he clapped his brother's back and welcomed him back. Loki broke out of his surprise stupor and hesitantly returned the gesture. He was the first to break the embrace, backing away to put as much distance between him and Thor.

Thor regarded this silently, unconsciously turning his hands into fists. His nightmares are yet to subside.

He saw Loki raised an eyebrow at him. Thor blinked and loosened his fists, smiling pensively at him.

"Brother, I am truly glad to see you again. Though it saddens me that you haven't contacted me or our parents for a while, we worry about how you fare." said Thor.

"Having a nomadic life is something you'll never understand, Thor. But do not ever beget that I have forsaken our family." replied Loki.

A big grin plastered itself on Thor's face. "Careful, brother, I believe your affections are showing."

Loki just rolled his eyes at him. "You do look and sound like an idiot right now, you big oaf. How you disgrace me so."

"Ah, why do I keep tolerating your hurtful words, brother?" He meant this as a joke, pushing Loki to converse with him more. But all he got was a mirthful smirk and then nothing. He shuts himself again, staring at the window with a wistful gaze.

"Brother, what has made you come to these parts of Midgard?" he said. Cool and calculating green eyes met soft and questioning blue ones.

The last time he met his brother they were smothered in blood and chaos, fighting side by side and almost losing their lives in the process. The city of New York once again became a battlefield where the remaining forces of the Chitauri, an armada of Kree warships, and Thanos himself laid havoc and vengeance upon the realm. All of Earth's mightiest heroes (and even some supervillains) were assembled with one single purpose: Protect the Earth from hostile forces and defeat them at all cost.

In the end, Midgard thrived and prevailed but the price paid for the sake of victory was enormous. They lost great and irreplaceable heroes, genocide was evident, the marks of destruction that cannot be erased, and the scars of battle that left heroes and mortals hollow and traumatized.

And Loki did not escape the plague of war.

Thor doesn't know exactly what transpired between Loki and Thanos but the sight of his mangled, bloodied brother surged great rage within him that he hadn't felt in all of his millennia of existing. The bonds of brotherhood can never be truly diminished, and though Loki has done 'things' that threatened the fate of the Nine Realms and their family he chose to believe in him and for that he's thankful for his unconditional love and unwavering belief. He couldn't bear to lose his brother again. He will not let him feel unloved and alone.

It has already been three years since the war and the last time they have spoken. How can he be a brother to Loki once more if he wouldn't even spare a minute of his time to talk to him?

"I was investigating some magical residue left by the Kree imbeciles. Apparently, S.H.I.E.L.D. is exaggerating over the matter so I have taken the responsibility to know what the fuss is all about," he paused then leaned on the windowsill huffing out a tired breath, "And as I thought, it is nothing but a folly."

"Building bonds of friendship I suppose? I have to say, I'm proud of you, brother!"

"Must you constantly conceive foolish ideas to that brain of yours? It sickens me to even think of befriending the organization that once tried to imprison me like an animal." Loki replied grimly.

"I meant no ill intention, Loki. Forgive me." Thor quickly retorted. He doesn't want to drive Loki away by saying such things, joking isn't one of his talents (and he was bantering with the famed Silvertongue).

Loki's gaze then dwelled on the door where Darcy is resting, his expression unreadable, "What happened to the girl?"

Thor blinked. "Steve Rogers, her betrothed, was recently killed during a mission. She was sedated by their doctors because of her persistent refusal to leave his side. We brought her home and when she awoke she immediately fled." He tried to find some ounce of reaction on his brother's face but was only given an acknowledged nod.

"Where did you find her, Loki?" Thor asked.

"Central Park, she was the only mortal I saw dumb enough to leisurely admire the wrath of rain in an open area." said Loki.

Thor sighed then crossed his arms over his chest, "Losing someone of great importance is difficult, you know how that feels, Loki, especially to immortals like us. Do not ridicule her way on how to grieve for her loss." Of all people, his brother was supposed to be the one who understands this but many things have changed and his mind is nowhere near comprehensible for Thor anymore.

Narrowing his eyes, Loki spat his next words at Thor, "What happened to the fool that got him killed?"

"Steve was my friend, Loki, have care of how you speak." After a pregnant silence and expecting no apology from Loki other than a glower he related the events of Steve's death to his once enemy, "As I said he was on a mission when he was killed. The mission was to stop Project Insight of HYDRA which could've started a mortal genocide. He succeeded but the unexpected interference of the Winter Soldier made him... wary." His gaze fell on Loki, a somber expression painting his face.

"Upon the realization that the Winter Soldier is his best friend he ceased his fighting in hopes to, by mortal references, knock some sense into him. But apparently—"

"He was too foolish to comprehend that the friend he knew was no more than a ghost, a figment of the past."

"Because he believed in something and he hoped. Just like me, surrender is not something he is familiar with. He was a formidable warrior and a great man. It was too soon to lose someone like him. Do not squander his final act of compassion towards the friend he wished to save." They didn't know who moved first but they were now standing face-to-face, too close for Loki's comfort, but unless someone backs down neither will yield for Asgard's two princes were raised to rule over the other.

The silent battle of dominance was suddenly interrupted by a loud thud from Darcy's room. Instantly, Thor rushed forward and burst the door open, slightly unhinging it. Darcy is curled up on the floor clutching her side. Calling Jane over, he gathered Darcy in his arms and placed her back on the bed. She was whimpering and moaning, probably from the fever and he didn't know what to do. He was no healer nor does he possess any magical qualities to lessen her pain.

But a blur of green caught the corner of his eyes and then suddenly he sees Loki kneeling on the other side of the bed nearer to Darcy's side. His hand is planted on her forehead and it immediately soothed Darcy unexpectedly. Thor watched with wide eyes as his brother's hand suddenly glowed in an ethereal blue hue, healing magic. He once felt this rare display of magic from his brother at the last war when a Chitauri weapon pierced his chest. He could still feel the pump of magic flowing to knit back muscles and tissues, desperate to close the gaping hole that was robbing the life off of him.

Jane's voice tapped him out of his reverie and whipped his head to see her appear on the doorway, eyes trained on Darcy and Loki. He was about to defend his brother from Jane's coming outburst of anger but when he turned back his gaze on him again he was gone.

And so was Darcy's fever.

_Is it concern or mere curiosity? _

* * *

** A/N:** Thank you for the follows and favorites. =) Sorry for all the grammatical errors and if there are misspelled words. :( I will edit it immediately as soon as I get some sleep!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you to those who viewed, reviewed, followed, and made this story a part of their list of favorites! It really made me happy that you have taken interest in this story and I will do my best to deliver it well! It takes me quite long to update because I want to see some more 'results' on this story from the readers but for now it's enough. I will try to update more quickly considering my summer is nearing its end. *tears tears*

* * *

_Breaking through the night__  
__In this cold Fahrenheit__  
__Shadows have left__  
__Crying got old_

_Bland and bittersweet__  
__Wondering what went wrong__  
__There goes all hope_

_But the feeling__  
__It tries to escape__  
__Bleeds through the light__  
__Even when I close my eyes__  
__Its not seething__  
__The weight on this shoulder__  
__I can't wait to chase the fiction home__  
__And carry on_

-Feelings by Up Dharma Down

* * *

In the vicinity of dreams he seeks peace and it annoys him to know that it is not so easily given to him unlike some who lavish on the joy it brings. But on rare occasions his fears loosen its reins over him and grant him a little bit of solace, something he desperately needs.

He is always fighting for his life, for his brother, for the people who hate him, for the people who wouldn't acknowledge him, for the family he hates, and from himself. As pathetic it is to admit from the God of Mischief himself, it exhausts him tremendously and the realization that he will continue this torture for another eternity was a punishment even he can't tolerate any longer.

Chaos was everything to him they said. Desolation and death is what he craves for they said. When did the lies affect its god? Was he not the one who infuses their lies to build his impenetrable armor from those who speak them? His power is everything to him yet he could feel them deteriorating, he's letting it go away. The words cannot pass through his ears anymore for they now pierce his mind, his sanity, and it leaves scars that cannot be healed.

Weak, vulnerable, and so, so hollow, this is what he came to be and he wants to loathe himself but Loki realizes that it will him cost too much… energy. He may even lose his life in the process if he puts his effort into it. Not a bad idea at all.

On most days he just dreams that this will all be over, his life, this world, this reality, and it does not frighten him, no, he _longs_ for it but alas when did the course of fate ever give him what he wanted?

It's because the course of fate wants to constantly screw him over that's why and it enjoys its game of pushing him over the edge and leaving him stunted and just… fucked up, all over again and again and again.

And it's telling him right now to wake up and face it as a god.

Loki opened his eyes and pushed himself from the bed to sit upright. He swung his legs to the side and leaned his elbows on his knees. Pale and bony hands rubbed his face and tired eyes. He then proceeded to knead his temple, fingertips glowing in a soft blue light, easing the throbbing ache. Shutting his eyes, he concentrated in recovering the dream that awoke his mind in pure distress.

The winter storm dream has been bothering him for days now and it seems like it will linger in his subconscious for a while. With a grunt, Loki stood and walked towards the long, glass window which serves as the only light source in his room. Loki's reflection looked back at him and he saw a man who looks like he was drained off purpose and strength, worn, and weary with the same green eyes and raven hair. Reaching out, he placed his hand and forehead onto the glass and a sigh escaped his lips.

It was raining again, brutal like yesterday, piercing everything it hits like ice needles. The weather reminded him of the harsh winter storm that was in his dream.

* * *

_The snow howls in great rage and he was standing in the middle of nowhere and is clothed in his golden armor he last worn in Asgard. His feet were buried deep in the snow, the strong wind striking him down relentlessly, but the cold temperature did not affect him whatsoever. The thick snow mist blocked his surroundings seeing nothing but a wasteland covered in white. He tried to lift his feet but they were rooted in place and the wind's not doing him any good either. Calling out on his powers, he only felt nothingness and futility, and that's when he started to worry. _

_A haze of black caught his attention and from where he stood helplessly he saw a figure clad in black lying on its back. Feeling drawn to the figure he didn't realize that he was already moving. His legs immediately kneeled at the figure's side and pulled the body towards him, the movement made the hood fall off from its face and what he saw shocked him._

_The figure was a child, her skin as pale as snow, her long brunette hair frosted and stiff, and she was cold as a corpse. He would have believed her to be dead if not for her lips that were colored red like blood. She was a beautiful thing, and she is lying to waste in this godforsaken patch of land. Without second thoughts he carried and cradled her in his arms and ran away as fast as possible. He doesn't know where he'll go and where his legs will lead them, he only focused on his glowing hands pouring life into the child's body. _

_Being a god means exception from common limitations of the body but the growing strain from his rigorous running was beginning to exhaust him. There are still no signs of shelter, vegetation, or even a patch of road. Loki realized he was running for naught after he saw his footprints on the snow, he was back on where he started and doomed before he ever began. Before he could catch himself his legs gave out, he was gasping for air, and his arms were shaking from the weight of the child._

_He fell on his side but he held the child close to him, shielding her from the storm. Consciousness was slipping away but he held on and poured all of what is left of him to the child. He didn't know what drove him to save her so fiercely, nor did he imagine doing a final act of heroism before he die. Loki was no hero, but he is not a heartless man everyone perceived and assumed him to be._

_Of all the times his body and powers chose to betray him it had to be now. And he had failed again. Over and over he continues to disappoint everyone around him, even himself. Can he do nothing right for once? Could he not save one child?_

_Death was reaching out to him like a lover's caress and the last thing he saw were a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring at him in wonder._

* * *

Dreams were rarely gratuitous and mostly terrifying for Loki, but he couldn't quite know what to think of the dreams that are disturbing him recently. After living for so many millennia he has acquired an expansive memory capacity thus some things may escape his resilient mind once in a while, and everyone knows he is not a perfect god.

Vague as the dream may be to surface now, he is certain that it's trying to return a forgotten memory, a significant event in his life perhaps but there were only so few and he remembers them all too well. Still, this matter is only a minor problem that he will solve in due time, for now there are greater questions to be answered.

First, why did he save Darcy Lewis?

The girl was of no importance to him nor will she be an asset to his endeavors. Also they have never even met directly, they did not converse or interact in anyway, and he barely heeds her notice. She was an abstraction in the grander scheme of things, just another ant in the colony. She was nothing. And yet here he is in deep thought of her.

He prides himself of being an intelligent man, even the people of Asgard knows that including his father. He determines and anticipates, always a step ahead. He knows the consequences and is formidable in finding a way around them and creating another strategy from then on, so when it comes to brash and reckless actions he is left dumbfounded.

Loki's magic suddenly flared and the sound of cracking mirrors echoed throughout the room. The glass beneath his fingertips felt jagged and rough. With a quick gesture of his hand he saw the fractured glass mending to regain its perfect form. The frustration is getting on his nerves. Coming up with superficial reasons concerned with the salvation of Darcy Lewis will make him crazy. If its answers he need then to the source he will be.

But the second question will render him speechless for a while, what will he do?

* * *

"Come on, Thor, quit fooling around! Everyone knows you can't pull off a decent joke and this one is just plain stupid." Darcy never really feared Thor especially now that he is living with them and he's dating her best friend thus she is added to the don't-do-harm-to-these-people-because-it-will-hurt-Jane list. But Darcy was pretty good in pointing out stupidity in people and Thor was no exception.

"I do not fool around in matters concerning you and Jane. You have been brought here by Loki and for that we should all be thankful." Good thing Thor's a sport in everything however being goody-goody all the time ruins all the fun.

Darcy frowned, "Finding a reason to why he did that is close to null. All I can think about is that there's an ulterior motive to all of this. He's the freaking God of Mischief, you of all people should know what he is!"

"Not everything Loki does has malicious intent," Heh, even Thor's not convinced in what he said. "But even so, he's my brother and I trust him. Do remember that he saved me, aided in protecting your world, and—"

Darcy threw her hands over her head. "Fine, I get it! He's a hero now and we should all worship his sorry ass." she said. She hopes Thor knows what sarcasm is by now, he's been living with her for years and torture by sarcasm inflicted to a helpless god is a source of pride for her.

Instead, Thor just grinned like an idiot, "Thank you for understanding, Darcy." He then threw his arms around her and surprisingly gave a _gentle_ hug. "I'm so glad you're alright." An affectionate Thor is very hard to resist. Darcy let out a chuckle and returned his hug.

"For a big guy who's been fighting aliens and shit for who knows how long you're overly a huggy-type person. It's not creepy though. You're like a huge, muscled teddy bear." Thor guffawed and withdrew his arms. He was about to retort when they heard someone coughed at Darcy's door.

"Now don't go smothering my best friend, Thor." She strode in and gripped Thor's arm possessively. "And Darcy, stop making cute comments about my boyfriend." Jane finished her threat with a wink.

Darcy just snickered, "Why? Afraid I'll steal your beefcake over here? I'll have you know that Steve can compete with this noob." Quickly realizing what she has said, misery washed over her, a grimace escaped her control to be indifferent.

After a pregnant silence, Jane touched her arm and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Darcy stared up to her face and saw a hesitant smile. She didn't want every conversation they will have from now on end in awkward silence whenever Steve's involved. Accepting his death won't be easy, she'll cry like a newly widowed grandma and act like a rebellious love-sick teenager but knowing Steve, knowing how strong he is in handling every obstacle he faced, he'll just give her a kiss and tell her to be strong like he believes her to be.

And that's what she'll try to do, for both of their sakes.

"Although everyone knew Steve used steroids, he's a junkie you know?" This reply made Jane's eyes widened in surprised and she could see the wheels of her super genius brain work for a coherent answer.

"What are these steroids you speak of? Is it a strength enhancer?" Naturally, Tweedledum retaliated with his usual curiosity.

"It is actually! It's a very popular, uh, enhancer here on Earth! It's only sold to those strong enough to handle it." Tweedledum's eyes just shone brightly in wonder, the possibilities he could amass with the said drug.

Jane came back from her stupefaction and punched Darcy's arm lightly, laughing while she did it. It's great to see some laughter in here. "Don't listen to her, Thor. You should really stop underestimating the little demon inside of her."

"You're right, Jane. You wouldn't want to see your boyfriend wipe the floor with his ass when said demon tase him." Thor quickly went into battle mode.

"That weapon is prohibited in this house! You shall dispose of it immediately!" Jane and Darcy laughed so hard at his paranoid Asgardian antics. Jane reached out and gave him a deep kiss, assuring that the god-shocking weapon will never hurt him again.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Jane." She was just ignored by one of the most unorthodox couples ever. They were starting to make-out now and hands are starting to get busy. Darcy sprung out of the bed, avoiding Jane's body from crushing her. Oblivious and in heat, the two of them didn't even mind doing it on _her_ bed. Gross.

Making her way out of her own room, she yelled at the two horny people she loves, "You better wash those sheets, woman! And don't you break my headboard again, Thor!" All she got was a grunt and moan for a reply. Shutting the door close, Darcy breathed in the fresh air and trudged away towards the refrigerator containing her frozen carton of happiness.

She sat down on the love seat and was absorbed in deep contemplation. Steve's death was something she hasn't quite reeled in yet, but the recent revelation of Loki rescuing her might be impossible to take in. The only question is why? Her brain's going to explode if she dares to think of it further. She might as well accept that he saved her just because.

Darcy scoffed and shoved a spoonful of delicious cookies and cream. That is not something Loki would do. From what she knows according to Thor's loud mouth Loki tried to destroy the realm where he was born, planned to assassinate his adoptive father and killed his own father who was the assassinator he hired. From what she knows according to Steve he also tried to subjugate her planet Earth, killed a lot of people, but was the reason why Earth's mightiest heroes assembled. He also forced Thor to come back here that will eventually benefit her and Jane (especially Jane), and he fought alongside said enemies to defeat his own army and boss. It's so fucked up, and so complicated.

All the facts contradicted his sudden change in nature. Shoving another spoonful, Darcy laid her head back and stared at the wooden expanse of the ceiling. As much as he was the villain she knew for a long time he did save her life and the habit of giving gratitude was a traditional mortal custom her parents ingrained into her.

But the man's like smoke. It's hard to find a man when he's so determined to disappear. Thor said he's currently here in New York and is playing detective. Now how would she find him in this jungle? He wields magic while she has her taser, not to mention he's a god.

Stealing a glance at her door, she quietly tiptoed out of the house and into the darkness of the night. Ice cream still in hand Darcy sat on the porch's stairs and stared into nothingness, her mind still occupied by the thoughts of Loki and Steve. About to have another spoonful she noticed a faint glow of yellow in her peripheral vision. Turning to her left, she saw it again and by natural curiosity she tentatively approached the light. She considered calling Jane and Thor first but doesn't want to disturb the both of them, whether this discovery will do something bad to her or the world, it's her fault and responsibility.

She's stupid like that.

As if it could sense her nearing the light started flashing frantically. It felt like a magnetic pull is drawing her to it, insisting for her to know what it is. The thing was obscured by bushes but the flashing light was evident. Darcy kneeled directly before the glowing thing and brushing away the bush, what she saw took her breath away.

It was an oval-shaped gem colored in amber and she could feel its pulsating energy throughout her body. The gem is no larger than her palm and its frantic flashing stopped in place of a soft amber glow. She couldn't stop her hand in reaching out and before she cursed herself for her impulsive actions her fingertips touched the gem.

She shuddered in the onslaught of surging power and knowledge. The feeling was both riveting and terrifying. A moment of clarity stuck through that she's going to be in huge trouble and that she better back away right now but it was swiftly replaced by the urge to close her hand around the gem, however before she could do so a tight grip on her wrist wrenched her away from the enchanting gem.

The disappearance of the connection broke her out of compulsion and she fell on her ass. She whimpered and grunted knowing that will leave a bruise later on. She was waiting for a loud declaration of how stupid she is to go out alone in the dark touching glowing alien things from either Jane or Thor but she got nothing. Finally staring up from her pathetic state she saw a very tall figure clad in black looming over her with an aura of murderous intent.

And saw the penetrating gaze of none other than, "Loki."

* * *

**A/N:** Finally, some confrontation. I'm sorry if the long thoughts of Darcy and Loki bored you, I just want you to have a glimpse of what they're feeling right now and how this will affect their relationship from here on out. Don't worry, because in the next chapter I promise to deliver more Loki/Darcy action to kick start their adventure! Also, I would explain more about the war that happened three years ago, we all need some clearing up about that! Watch out for that gem, I would love to know your guesses in identifying what it is. =)) Please do review!


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